The World Exists Behind You (TWEBY)

Dear Citizen of the World,

This letter applies to you:
(a) if you have ever bumped into an old friend on the sidewalk,
(b) if you have ever driven a car, or
(c) if you have ever ridden an escalator.

Today, and from this day forward, you must remember one simple phrase:

THE WORLD EXISTS BEHIND YOU.

It is no longer sufficient to acknowledge this statement casually and to continue to move through the world without having absorbed the impact of this philosophical but relevant assertion. This phrase must become so ingrained as to affect your behavior in the world.

In order to remember this phrase, consider as a pneumonic device the acronym formed from the initial letters of each word: TWEBY.

THE WORLD EXSITS BEHIND YOU.

Your vigilant remembrance of this concept may save your life.

If you do not stop suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk to talk to someone (in person, on the phone or otherwise), the person behind you WILL NOT:
(a) bump into you, spilling coffee on you in the process,
(b) hate you for your lack of consideration for others, nor
(c) run you through with the javelin he or she is carrying.

THE WORLD EXISTS BEHIND YOU.

If you do not stop suddenly in the middle of the street, the driver of the vehicle behind you WILL NOT:
(a) dislodge your rear fender,
(b) cause your insurance premiums to skyrocket, nor
(c) commit involuntary manslaughter with a motor vehicle.

THE WORLD EXISTS BEHIND YOU.

If you do not stop and stand still immediately following your riding an escalator, the person riding behind you WILL NOT:
(a) accidentally (or “accidentally”) cop a feel nor rub any part of himself or herself on you,
(b) push you into a greasy, sweaty mall shopper carrying an extra large Cinnabon, nor
(c) trip backwards, thereby causing a domino effect of medical injuries to every person on said escalator, for which you will be held accountable, justifying a jury of your peers to remove you from society for a period no shorter than the remaining term of your natural life.

THE WORLD EXISTS BEHIND YOU.

Final thought: If the acronym TWEBY is difficult to remember or to pronounce, a second phrase may be of greater value to you:

MOVE OUT OF THE PATHS OF OTHER PEOPLE.

Or, put more simply—though perhaps less elegantly: MOOT POOP.

Thank you, Citizen of the World. Thank you.

From the heart (and from directly behind you),
-Dog Left Barking